Perous Secret Diary - Keep Out: October 25, 2011

after the shoot in west london, dropped cameras at ali's, checked into ANOTHER hotel and drove central to find 'more london' and the surreal complex of underground carparks and service areas.

was at 'blue rubicon' to discuss where we're at with the 'homeless arts' project that james mc naughton and O2ThinkBig set, up and that i'm involved with.

during the meeting it was mentioned that at a charity gig tonight, at the O2 rubicon featuring chipmunk and many others, i should go onstage, with james, mid show to talk about his project.

'how many people will we be speaking to?' , i asked.
'oh, about 1500' i was told.
'fuckaduck', i went.

speaking is something i'm good at.
i do it a lot and all the time.
but public speaking is not something  i'm good at and i rarely do it.

decamped to shoreditch house for some dinner and made some notes and bullet points of what to hit in my 'speech'
offered the waitress double her wage to switch places with me for the night: could i serve dinner to a few people while she did some public speaking?
she politely declined.

although it wasn't an epic fail on stage (i was there and expressed my support for the project) i did not say what i wanted to, or meant to, in front of the assembled 1500 ish people.

SO
i know i have more people than that reading this.
here's what i wanted to say and should have...
these are my personal opinions and observations: they may not be 100% factual: feel free to disagree.
and sorry for the rambling, rant-esque nature of my writing just now: i'm tired and trying to get this down before we head off into barcelona for another shoot in another country.

as a photographer i am encouraged to be focused on myself as much as anyone else.
i get paid for the unique way that I see the world.
there is a reinforced belief that the way that i see things is better and more valuable than they way other people see things.
photography unlike film is quite an autonomous pursuit.
despite teams of people being involved in making my shoots right, its my name on the shoot and the photographs are mine.
my photography is really all about ME
photographers are always taking.
i 'take' pictures.
as such i believe it is important to give something back, or in return.

there are so many worthy and important causes to get involved in.
it's hard to know what to put your efforts into
and there's also so much to sort out we sometimes feel we can't change it all so why try and change anything at all.
(at least, i'm sure that's what i've been doing)

i feel quite preoccupied and i am easily distracted.
so i am very pleased that i was approached by 'blue rubicon' and O2's think big who asked me to get involved with james and the 'homeless arts'.

i thought this was simply going to involve putting my name to something worthy: maybe adding a bit of credibility and press interest to something that might otherwise be ignored.
but since i've started finding out about youth homelessness, this has become more of an important issue to me.

i have had a very privileged life.
my parents weren't rich but have given me a LOT of love and support all my life.
when i was technically homeless and used to doss in a studio on a piece of cardboard, i still had a family that i could go back to when i wanted.

most of the young people that are homeless have found themselves that way through a family breakdown.
most don't go straight onto the streets: most 'sofa surf' with friends until they've outstayed all their welcomes then have nowhere else to go.

when you're homeless, you can't claim benefits.
without benefits, a home or an income you're pretty fucked, on so many levels.
and it's really hard to get out of.

we all think we know about homelessness.
there are many stereotypical images of people begging in doorways, like images of starving babies in africa that are VERY easy to ignore.
as there are people actually on the streets begging in doorways who are also easy to ignore.

it wasn't till i started visiting liverpool, manchester, newcastle and london and talking to the young homeless who were themselves not stereotypical homeless beggars that i realised that these just young people same as other young people but often in unfortunate situations not of their own choice or making.

as far as i can see, there are two main types of homeless.
those who have been on the streets for years: often alcoholics or drug users: who can be cared for but can't be helped off the streets.
i think of these people as the hopeless homeless.
they've given up home and have dropped out of society.

then there are the people who have just found their way into homelessness.
they still have hope, dreams and aspirations.
they don't want to be homeless.
they want to be part of society and they CAN be helped back off the streets before they become part of the hopeless homeless.
these people are often young: between 16 and 25yrs old

there are people and organisations that are trying to help these young people off the streets and get them back on their feet.
but recently the (new) government has cut spending on these organisations and schemes to help young homeless people.
this makes NO economic sense because once a kid of the streets becomes part of the hopeless homeless they become a MUCH higher economic burden on the (our) society that they might never find their way back into.

i had a moment of revelation in an old factory in liverpool.
i've shot a lot of fashion stories in grotty warehouses.
i shot dita von teese and a vivienne westwood campaign in an old factory in east london where we all had to avoid hypodermic needles on the floor.
i knew what the needles were there from, but it wasn't till i was standing in liverpool with an 18yr old lad, in this derelict space where he pointed out an old pallet board covered in shit, dried blood and needles and said 'that was my bed before i moved into the hostel'

there are so many stories i heard about what life on the streets is about.
things that i just wasn't thinking about before.

stories like the lad who had to pitch a tent each night by the canal in liverpool, and pretend to be fishing with a rod sticking out of the tent, so he wouldn't get moved on.

like another young lad with blisters and sores all over his feet from constantly walking around manchester with a bag of his worldly possessions.
the same lad had recently come out of prison because he's been caught stealing food and resisted arrest.
he came out of prison hoping to get in a hostel but the prison service messed up and without an address to go to he was in breach of his bail conditions and had to go straight back to prison.

straight lads giving blow jobs to men for money.
a story about a young girl who said it was easier to sell her body than it was to sell 'the big issue'

thinking about the basics.
where do i go to have a shit?
how can i stay dry when it rains?
how can i stay warm when it's cold?
WHERE CAN I GET SOME FOOD RIGHT NOW: i'm so fucking hungry?
where can i find somewhere to lie down and have a sleep without getting moved on, beaten up or robbed?

how young people who are homeless feel invisible and that nobody cares about them or even sees them.
many young homeless people feel that everyone else sees them as second class citizens: as worthless and surely it's only a matter of time when you think everyone feels that way about you, that you lose your sense of SELF too.
hard to do anything without self confidence.

i'm going to continue to make photos that hopefully spark some debate .
this is my way of trying to do what i can.
if you can try and put yourself in the shoes of these young people on the streets, maybe you'll think of a way to get involved and help them too?
if we all do just a little bit we can achieve a lot.

we're not going to solve social issues of family breakdowns but we might get to a position that if a young person finds themselves on the street, they can find their way back off it again.

meeting the young homeless in the places that i went was hard for me
but i knew i could head back to my luxury, comfy home and family and leave all the horror behind.
there are young homeless people today living on the streets of britain that need help NOW.

happy birthday james

me and james.

young man's already accomplished a lot by his 20th birthday and so much more planned: respect!

practice makes perfect.
i didn't enjoy it BUT i promise to get better at public speaking.

good to see 'chipmunk' again last night.

i told him i'd photograph him again when he's finished filling in the bits (both arms now pretty full of ink)